The art of conversation: Tips

It has been published by the authors of the cambridge university Press’s forthcoming publication Cambridge Grammar of   English :Ronald  Carter and Michael McCarthy  . As result of studying the conversations of everyday Britons they had the following tips for conversationalists to share.

· Conversation is a two-way process. Don’t talk about yourself or just give
your own ideas about things. Ask others directly for their views and listen
to what they say.

· Show interest in what others have to say. Remember personal details
about them. Be a good listener and give positive feedback to what people
say. Ask follow-up questions. Try to re-cycle their words in your speaking
to show that you’ve heard what they’ve said.

· Learn how to alternate between talking and listening. Make sure your
speaking turns are not too long or elaborate or repetitive.

· Conversations are visual too. Be aware of body language. Make good
eye-contact and at appropriate points nod supportively- even if you
disagree. A friendly smile and tactful humour help conversation to flow.

· Make a mental note of things of interest that can be used to start a
conversation. Current and local issues, sport, recent events and the
activities of others (public figures, celebs) will always make good
conversation topics whether at home or at the office.

· Beware of telling too many personal anecdotes. Always try to give
examples that lead you to general conclusions.

· Don’t keep changing the topic. It is better to pursue one or two topics than to keep trying to juggle too many subjects. Don’t be afraid of shortish
silences. They can allow people thinking time.

· Be polite at all times. Do not interrupt others too much when they are
speaking. However, when you feel comfortable in a conversation, interrupt
calmly and in a friendly way to challenge an idea or point of view.
Conversation becomes debate when ideas are challenged.